Only Shadow Stayed with me ! – A Poem

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Forgot to smile with life

Eyes don’t have tears left

Mind kept throbbing inside

Trying to convey in vain

Death came closer as I feel

Only shadow stayed with me

Kept creeping in to my soul

Even dreams saying bid to me

Wandered alone up and down

In lonely streets of life, I know

Days turned to dark nights

Only shadow stayed with me

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Feet felt cold when I start walking

Rain drops fall to write stories

The footprints imprint I saw

Get washed away in rain as I create

One life not enough to learn mysteries

Only shadow stayed with me

Mind burn in fire leaving pain

Looking up skies move farther

Who will give wings to reach high

Just like arrows pain strike the heart

Hoping to bloom like a flower again

Only shadow stayed with me

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Read and Support my memoir. Struggles as a student in the system of India.

When you leave your country!!

Two decades ago, I left my country. I am now settled and well established both career wise and personally. Beautiful family. I am proud of it. Deep inside every immigrant who are now on my stage will have the same thoughts. I like to share this, so next generation who are planning to follow my footsteps, will have tools. I want everyone to pause and think. We all did to better our lives. Yes, we should. No doubt on that thought. The pandemic situation right now have opened my eyes a little more than before.

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Parents- Two people we called as family. The love you get from them makes your character. They also will support you to move and establish yourself. I have to say, they will be the most happiest of all, when you go abroad leaving them behind. Friends, this pandemic have pushed me back a little. Not easy now for me and for many others for sure. We are more like, in a locked down stage. If we are not, we may enter to that stage. What will happen to your loved ones? Who will take care of them? These thoughts will emerge. Regardless, whether we are going through this pandemic or not. Once we achieve our so called “Better life” this reality will sink in. By that time it is very late for many. What I am trying to say here is, before you leave your country plan it well. Foresee what you can do to avoid that. Act with in five years of your life abroad and make sure parents are with you. They will need you for sure. Parents are the best actors in the world. They will smile and laugh to make you feel at ease. Trust me they are crying inside and most probably thinking “Why did I let my kid go abroad? Why did society pushed us to push my kid? Is that truly a good decision? Friends, Ask yourself. Those who are already in my boat, no point. It is very late. For those who just started, they have time. Please do.

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Next to consider. Do you really need to leave your country? Million dollar question. We really need to sit down and think. Talk to many others who left the country. Believe them if they say, no need to go. When I was growing up, Internet was not flourished. We did not have much means to ponder around. Facts we get are from the promoters who try to sell student visas or work visas. We never get the real picture. One of my friend got an answer from the agent ” Toronto and Vancouver, you can easily go in a bus to and fro. Only few hours. You can visit your friend every weekend” Glad that he checked with me. Otherwise he would have gone to Toronto believing that he could visit me weekly. This is two decades ago. My advise is simple, If you have enough to live happily, stay in your country. Your mother land will give you more and your mental health will be always better. There is nothing really out there to achieve. We will realize once you reach a life stage. People are just running for money and fame. They are not enjoying their life. They are just puppets. They worry about their past. They have concerns about their future. But no one really live. They never see what is happening around them. I was not told by any one these points to consider. Now I am telling you, younger generation to consider. Weigh in, before you leap. Always we believe other side of the planet is greener. Fact is. NOT.

Dream on guys. At the end, I want to say this much only. Do not just leap, think twice, thrice. Parents are the most important people, the ones who took care of you. When in need, you should be there for you. I am not writing this because of this pandemic situation. In general this is something everyone should consider.If you can work hard and are dedicated to your career, you will make it regardless where you are. If you want to make quick buck with out hard work, Any country you chose, regardless, you will fail. Simple message friends. Simple. Nothing can replace you being there for your parents when in need. They will not ask. You need to realize that. You should do it.

I called her….

Life is a journey. We are all busy on our own ways, forgetting or neglecting to see others pains. We do this for personal gains. That is the saddest reality. I am writing here about an individual, I have known her for only less than 14 years. The most thought provoking personality I have ever known or will ever know. She was a warrior. Her life was so tough and she did not have a smooth path. All important occasions in her life had obstacles. Yet, She fought with her head high.

Came here as an immigrant more than four decades ago. Life was not easy back then. Working and taking care of family with minimum means was for sure a task. Failed marriage and not been able to take care of her youngest daughter must have broken anyone. She didn’t give up, the quality I got attracted towards her. Myself an immigrant we could connect so easily and she never treated me bad. We could talk all the rubbish in the world. We could connect with old movies and sometimes she did not have any interest in them, She listened and laughed at my silly jokes. I shared a lot from my childhood times. She enjoyed all the stories I had to say. I can see her eyes glow when I say my memories from India, She relates it back to me from Fiji. Our life style was similar and we did have a lot of common grounds. She always said “Here no life man. No life” She sighs always saying “Oh. Brother”. I felt that many times too. Here there is no life. We all live like robots here. Waste of life in a lot of ways. We both related easily because we both had experienced real essence of life back home in our own ways. Real struggles. That is why she survived here with all her hardships.

What broke my heart is when she told me “I went to a church where there was a wedding on the day my younger daughter got married”. So she felt she was a part of it. She coped and fought against her obstacles. She bought a baby doll, when her younger daughter had her baby. Took care of that baby doll as if she was taking care of her grand child. I salute this lady’s will power. I will never ever forget her. In my culture we call mother in law “auntie”. I never did. I called her… MOM. I realized she is a true form of a mom. A person with lot of patience.

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This is my fare well to her. I love you so much. When we see again. We will talk more about Hindi movies and your favorite actors as we usually do, when we were alone.Thank you for coming in to my life and most importantly you liked my cooking. Peace.