Only Shadow Stayed with me ! – A Poem

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Forgot to smile with life

Eyes don’t have tears left

Mind kept throbbing inside

Trying to convey in vain

Death came closer as I feel

Only shadow stayed with me

Kept creeping in to my soul

Even dreams saying bid to me

Wandered alone up and down

In lonely streets of life, I know

Days turned to dark nights

Only shadow stayed with me

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Feet felt cold when I start walking

Rain drops fall to write stories

The footprints imprint I saw

Get washed away in rain as I create

One life not enough to learn mysteries

Only shadow stayed with me

Mind burn in fire leaving pain

Looking up skies move farther

Who will give wings to reach high

Just like arrows pain strike the heart

Hoping to bloom like a flower again

Only shadow stayed with me

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Money and Respect with Fame= Happiness?

The heading is not mine. I took that out from Sushant Singh Rajput’s words. The myth we as youngsters believed. I also fell for it for a long period of time during my college days. Our society we grow up in India for many reasons believe this. I don’t blame them. Those who grow up in poverty, they only see the glamour of rich people. For them the life they see outside is always happiness. How they attain is what they don’t have- Money.

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Parents who suffered during their childhood always thought, money is earned by becoming a doctor or an engineer. For them it is the truth. Those who were doing other jobs are not meeting their basic needs. Plumbers, electricians, Rickshaw drivers all struggled to provide food for their family daily. Can we really blame them? No. But what we can do now is to change the society to think differently. Past what our parents went through, for them it is right. They did what they did. Now it is our turn to change and adapt to save our kids.

The new generation like us, we need to be the force of change. Yet, I see people like Sushant struggled. We need to learn from his struggles and be the part to educate our society to think differently. When we run around to push our kids to see only through our eyes, we are making mistakes. We should let them see the world from their eyes. Give them the freedom of thinking. Let them do what they are best at. Don’t push them to do what they don’t believe in. Let them fail, so they will stand up and walk forward. Let them make mistakes, so they can correct themselves. Don’t falter them when they don’t excel in something, Guide them.

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The kids who are forced to groom by others dreams always crumble when life takes a turn. They never acted themselves. They always moved according to an authoritative figures instructions. Could be a parent, or a teacher. They live in this bubble of insecurities. Once it is gone, they take shelter in suicide. Sad, but truth.

Only solution I see here is to deviate our traditional thoughts on success. No job out there has more status than any others. All job is needed for the society and respect the person. Do not give more respect to a doctor or engineer compared to a cleaner. They all are needed for the well being of human race. Money should be never a factor for happiness. Pay the people who did the job. Do not DE-value the work they did. Doctors don’t need extra pay other than their salary. Stop giving them extra fees and make that gap of poverty even more higher. Stop paying bribes to certain officers. Think differently. You be the movement. Save our future.

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Sushant Singh Rajput- You be the movement. RIP brother.

Flip my Skin- A Poem

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Flip my skin if you can I plead

Tired of being in this world of difference

People look at me like a worm in the dirt

Don’t know why I get this look all day

Scream loud I cannot breathe

Yet deaf ears all around me

Flip my skin if you can I wonder

Suit your needs to please your eyes

We breathe and sweat the same way

Don’t know why this difference you notice

Scream loud I cannot tolerate no more

Yet deaf ears all around me

Flip my skin if you can I yearn

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Daily grind takes toll on me

Scared of life being tortured around

Treated like dirt you wash everyday

My heart pains for my society to include

I love them just like I love me and mine

Scream loud I am like you to realize

Yet deaf ears all around me as always

Flip my skin if you can I wish

Day will come you realize that now

We built this world together to enjoy

Entertained you at our best to forget your sorrows

Gave life and sweat for your wellbeing

Scream loud for your happiness

Ears will open hear us loud and clear

Flip my skin and you see me same as you

Scream loud I cannot breathe and you suffocate with me

You will hear my pain as I feel

The day of our future will be bright as black.

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i call her Rose- A Poem

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Like a soft petal in breeze

Flown in to abode of lotus feet

Walked out of shower with wet hair

My eyes caught on her smile and expression

Took my breath away in a second

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Oil lamps around the temple glows like heaven

Looking like a goddess she walked with naked feet

Held my hand pulled me closer to hers

First touch of her lift me above ground

Took my sense away in a second

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Green heaven with flowers aroused our senses

Asked whether she could see her mother

Her struggles shined through her eyes

Took my heart away in those stories

Breath sense and heart given to her

She became my breath of life in a second

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In the life full of darkness around me

As a sunshine she shines every day for me

I call her Rose, Love of my life.

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Move on Inner Mind shouted – A Poem

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In the midst of traffic daily

I walked aimlessly without plans

Abrupt thought break always shows

Realized the life halted in nowhere

Move on Move on inner mind shouted

But where to go one ponder

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Everyone seems busy with nothing

Don’t bother privacy play more important

Modern life always has rules with no meaning

Abide them or get thrown in to old rags

Past is a bucket full of ash Someone says

Yet everyone lingers around past

Move on Move on inner mind shouted

But where to go one ponder

Busier the life tells you wonder how

Wander more to seek peace around you

Traffic difficult to navigate as always

Life still seek its path somehow wonder how

Wonder why we lose our focus in life

Like we know everything as we behave

Yet dark everywhere you turn

Move on Move on inner mind shouted

But where to go one ponder

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Traffic lights still not bright enough as usual

Darkness loom over the world of life

Fighting to seek light trying to breath

Sinking in to more deep troubles

Struggles seems to get easier day by day

Get used to this new norm of life changes

Abrupt thoughts gain speed inside your brains

Move on Move on inner mind shouted

But nowhere to go one realizes

Hatred- A poem

Frustrations to save the love

Preaching to save the love

Everyone talk about love

Yet so much hatred among human race

Why we plant seeds in to new blood

Why we create words to twist new blood

Why we chose wisdom to freeze new blood

Yet so much hatred among human race

We say god came to save the love

We say god came to bear the pain of ours

We say god to relate love for us

Yet so much hatred among human race

Many color among us we see

Many faiths among us we experience

Many lessons among us we learn

All point towards love we yearn

Yet so much hatred among human race

Look around us to see the love

Nature itself shows love every day

With bright colors and sunlight

Never try to harm us, but spread love

Yet so much hatred among human race

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Memories Stain – A memoir which allows the readers to travel back to author’s root. Memories stain like tattoos…Available only in India to purchase.

SEASON FOR FESTIVALS

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Every one will have nostalgia. Some memories. Some time in your life, you wish you can experience again. Or in other words, you wish you forget. The picture above is from one of the temple festivals. This particular temple, I have never been. But I have been to many temple festivals while growing up in south India.

The vibe we get there, cannot be translated over here in few words. You need to experience it. You need to live it. Now almost two decades, I never had a chance to participate in one of the temple festivals. Life has taken many turns in the last two decades. Do I miss them. Yes. I do. The culture, the traditions, the life experience, the energy you get from these instances are hard to forget.

When I was growing up, I should say, I am about 14 years old or so. Just like my older son now. I will go and spend all ten days in the temple. I never went home after school. Yes, my parents were not too happy. But I did it. My friends all did it. We had so much fun and life. Today, I felt like writing this, because it is festival season in Kerala. My home town has many temples. They all had festivals. Many artists come and perform. The crowd enjoys them with out any religion barrier. We all are one. Just humanbeings.

Most of the temple festivals end with a procession by elephants and fire works. As you can see in picture above all elephants will be adorned with gold ornaments and many other colorful decorations. Temple society will fight for the best elephants to perform those processions. They go around the town for the entire night. We kids used to follow them. I still remember, the baby elephants playing with the tails of older ones. Also, once they are full and not hungry anymore, they throw coconuts to each other. The experience we cherish, as a writer, I am not capable to describe here.

Rarely one or two times, elephants go mad. Those instances are scary. But, I still went with elephants every year. Families, even if they are separated and away from Kerala, they made sure to meet during this times. Just like Christmas, we see this as family re union times.

Fire works at the end of the festival is the most amazing part. Some temple committee organizes competition. Those competitions are a treat to watch. We never went home all these ten days. We ate temple food. Watched many programs. Some times even walked from temple to temple to see different cultural programs.

Everyone will have nostalgia…. Enjoy them….

Life is always a journey. One cannot plan or reserve tickets….

Superstitions

I grow up hearing and practicing a lot of superstitions. I have to say I believe in them. Reason is simple, it is engraved in our breath. We followed it religiously. Our parents and grandparents made sure we practiced them. Nowadays many years living outside country, I find these superstitions we believed back then lost its importance. I started to think why our generations from the past practiced them. There are many reasons as to why already out there. But I want to reason myself why this has started at least my interpretation. I could be wrong.

I have seen one of my neighbor who owns a shop always waited by his gate in the morning. He will not walk until unless he see a bike coming from his right side. He also makes sure it is not a milk bike. He believes that if bike passes by his right side when he walks towards his shop, that day he will get great sales. This happened every day until he passed away. This is actually a superstition. Even my grand parents practiced this. They will never walk out of their house if they see a milk selling bike coming. No one had good explanation as to why? I thought about it a lot. I have no convincing reason either. I have walked out when a milk bike came, nothing happened that day. I was just nervous a little, reason being, I was told many times it is not good. Readers, if you know any valid reason, please input your comments below.

If a crow sits on your front fence and cry, then people believed there will be visitors that day. I have seen people prepping extra food on that day as they are convinced there will be un announced visitors. To tell you the truth, I have myself experienced many times this comes true. Now living in a country there is hardly any fence, I really couldn’t try this out here. This one I do have some explanation. My reasoning to this is simple, Usually people says this during the month of wedding season. I have noticed this all the time, people do not say or anticipate visitors, when crow usually cries by sitting on their entrance fence, but they will comment only during wedding season. It is a common practice in India to invite all the relatives, if someone getting married. There are certain months good for getting married as well. People usually expect at least 3 to 4 weddings during that time. So crow crying and visitors coming does not really have any connection. But it did, during my childhood. Any other explanations please do comment and share.

Asking for a prostitute to come from the opposite direction of your path, if you are going for an important matter, such as a land deal or court case. I have seen this happening during my younger days as well. Not sure why they did. But it was a common belief that if they pass a prostitute everything will fall on their favor. This superstition, I have many problems with. Usually the very same people will not let prostitute to come and attend any functions in their house. They consider that as bad. But when they want to go somewhere, then the presence of them will become good. Does this make any sense. Till this day, I couldn’t come up with any reasoning. Readers, if you know why, please do comment and share your thoughts.

Dropping mustard seeds will bring in poverty to your home. I am not sure how many household have done that and nothing happened to them. I can understand, mustard seeds are very small and if this gets dropped. It is hard to collect them. If you do also, dust will be there as well. So my assumption is that, if in any case, mustard bottle fell down, It is almost impossible to get everything back and on top of that cleaning is difficult. So most of the household must have thrown them away. Most likely the older people decides to add some scare to it. And people became more cautious when they handled mustard seeds. At least this superstition of bringing poverty did it. Again this is my own assumption. I could be wrong.

If anyone bring food to your home in a container, then it is a must you return that container with some food in it. People say, if you give container back empty it is not good for family. Not sure why? We practiced this and saw my parents even doing this. Also some family even put a piece of chilly, when they returned the container, if they did not give food. This prevents bad eye falling on them. Again, this particular superstition, I find it hard to come up with any sort of reasoning.

Wake up in the morning to your right side, not on your left side. I still practice this. But I have never instilled this to my kids. I am not sure their days are bad, when they wake up in the morning and roll to their left side to get up. I got that habit because the society I was brought up had all these superstitions and they religiously follow them. I cannot think of a day, when I got up by rolling towards to my left side. You may wonder, why don’t I? No idea. Do I think, my day will be bad if i do? Yes, I do think that way!!! Well, it is hard for me to change.

Droplets- Memoir by Ajay Nair. Available thru Amazon, Barnes and Noble

Superstitions usually sticks with you because of the culture you are brought up in. Regardless how much you got educated and how much you tend to analyze how this all started. I will say, if you are born and you practiced during your childhood, that fear in you will stay. The day you did not practice and some thing bad happened to you, it is very easy to relate to the superstition.

I would love to hear from you readers, if you have a different take on this. Please do comment and share your thoughts. If you like my writing, please support my memoir DROPLETS.

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Suicide- Students in India

I am so lucky….. You know why?

I could be one of the stats from India. Daily one student suicide because of the pressure they go through. Can you believe it?

It is true. I have been in this situation. Hey, I can say this much. I never thought of taking my life. I did want to run away from home. Many times. Today after many years, when I look back. I think I had some one looking up for me. Some people call it as God or some supreme power. I still don’t know what it is. I am lucky…

Why? This much pressure. Society is so blind in India. Never changed, this many years and still the same. I thought, situations have changed. But NO guys. I am furious. Recently I read in the news paper, that parents paid some person to arrange strangers to write their kids entrance test to get admissions to Medical courses. Now what happened, they got caught. Now kids got debarred from colleges. The parents are in Jail. Again- Why? What did they got out of this? Kids lost their education. They lost their parents. Now for their entire life, they will be horrible.

I am sick and tired of this. Prime Minister Narendra Modi Ji is doing a lot for the country. But it is high time for him to take a look at this situation. Students are our future. He should reform education system. He should find ways to educate society, that other careers are needed for a well balanced community.

Why, they are forcing kids to do only certain courses? Why the parents are forcing the kids to do the courses they don’t like? Also, why this much pressure put on kids when they are at colleges? Why they have to perform so much? Why they cannot just be kids?

All these talent, these parents create by forcing kids to develop. Kids do it just to make their parents happy. Then they leave country. So what does this society of India really get out of this? I am confused here. Every time I think about it. I am sick on my stomach.

We are ruining our future. Our kids will never live in peace and they lose their childhood. My generation, most of my friends went through this pressure. I thought when we grow up, atleast our kids will not go through this kind of pressure. I thought we will let our kids be kids. Trust me, I am doing my best to give my kids the best childhood they can get. I am living with them. I am getting my childhood back with them. I am re living my dreams, what I used to dream about when I was a kid.

Shame on you all guys, I am calling out all my friends back home. I know many of my friends still running after education institutions paying big donations, securing a seat for their kids, SO the kids get tortured in the system. India has not changed. STOP IT.

Still kids suicide every day because of the pressure we put on them to perform. We don’t give them choice and make them believe, if they don’t become doctors or engineers, they will not make it in their lives. Shame on me as well, I am not able to change the society I came from. I am doing what I can by writing this. Please stop. Let kids live, Let them chose their paths. Let them achieve their dreams. Let them pave their own fate. Guide them. But don’t force them to give you happiness.

I wrote my book, DROPLETS thinking one day the words in my book will open some people eyes. Who knows? My parents realized now, what I am saying. They are not forcing their grand kids. They love them who they are. So, guys, you all can change. We will save kids.

DROPLETS- NET GALLEY REVIEW

My book Droplets is now in the market for just four days. I am glad to see reviews started to come in. I just want to include the one from NetGalley below.

https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/book/170923

Please visit NetGalley and request copies for reviewing.

Featured Reviews
Cristie U, Reviewer
This memoir captured the emotions that author felt when moving to a new country perfectly. He had to contend with strict parents, little money, and other issues and captured those moments brilliantly in this fish out of water memoir. The honest writing makes it easy to empathize with him.

I am excited at the same time speechless to get a 5 star review from Cristie.