How are you? Really!!!

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Pexels.com

How are you? Really!!

We got in to this habit when we pass by our colleagues and friends. Simple words with no meaning, really. People became so robotic these days to answer. I am good. Thanks. Really? Are we good?

Pause for a second here…

I have been pondering this for a while now. At first when I came to Canada, I saw people were so courteous saying “Good Morning and How are you?” I felt fantastic. That we cared. Over the years living here, I see this as just a custom. I see people asking this and the answer comes very robotic. No connection what so ever. “I am well, thanks. OR I am fine. OR Good”

How are you? Really!!

This is something we should ask ourselves daily. This needs to happen. Many people around us are under mental agony. Still, when we say, How are you? (Reason I used the word “say”. I do not think we are asking people anymore. We are just saying for the sake of it). Many times people ask this and walk away before even the person responds to you. We assume they are going to say they are ok. Why we do it, because this has become so robotic to us. I have seen it and I am guilty of myself doing that to others. Everyone of us is busy. But why?

Reset ourselves. It is very important. Mental health professionals are recommending nowadays to ask ourselves daily How are we doing. Think about it. Are we doing well? Why are we running like a headless chicken every day? Why are we not happy? If we give ten minutes of our time to self reflect, we can re channel our focus.

I am going to focus on this thought from now on. I also will pause and mean it every time I ask someone, “How are you?” With this pandemic situation, we are more isolated than ever. The human touch is missing. All we can do is show the care for others. This may make someone’s day. They may want someone to talk to. Stop by your colleague’s office. Have a chit chat following the social distance protocol. Now with reduction of workforce, there are many who you have worked with are sitting at home. Call them up for a few minutes. Talk to them. Ask them “How are they?”. This may give them some fuel to survive for a week. All I am saying here is “Don’t be selfish. Care about others.”

I am asking all the people who are reading this “How are you? Really!!!” Comment below. I am looking forward to have a conversation with you guys. Share this blog to your friends if you want to ask them, “How are they? Really!!!”

I am also leaving you this video from youtube. It is apt and align with above thoughts. If you really think about it.

When you leave your country!!

Two decades ago, I left my country. I am now settled and well established both career wise and personally. Beautiful family. I am proud of it. Deep inside every immigrant who are now on my stage will have the same thoughts. I like to share this, so next generation who are planning to follow my footsteps, will have tools. I want everyone to pause and think. We all did to better our lives. Yes, we should. No doubt on that thought. The pandemic situation right now have opened my eyes a little more than before.

Photo by Tristan Le on Pexels.com

Parents- Two people we called as family. The love you get from them makes your character. They also will support you to move and establish yourself. I have to say, they will be the most happiest of all, when you go abroad leaving them behind. Friends, this pandemic have pushed me back a little. Not easy now for me and for many others for sure. We are more like, in a locked down stage. If we are not, we may enter to that stage. What will happen to your loved ones? Who will take care of them? These thoughts will emerge. Regardless, whether we are going through this pandemic or not. Once we achieve our so called “Better life” this reality will sink in. By that time it is very late for many. What I am trying to say here is, before you leave your country plan it well. Foresee what you can do to avoid that. Act with in five years of your life abroad and make sure parents are with you. They will need you for sure. Parents are the best actors in the world. They will smile and laugh to make you feel at ease. Trust me they are crying inside and most probably thinking “Why did I let my kid go abroad? Why did society pushed us to push my kid? Is that truly a good decision? Friends, Ask yourself. Those who are already in my boat, no point. It is very late. For those who just started, they have time. Please do.

Photo by Lukas Rodriguez on Pexels.com

Next to consider. Do you really need to leave your country? Million dollar question. We really need to sit down and think. Talk to many others who left the country. Believe them if they say, no need to go. When I was growing up, Internet was not flourished. We did not have much means to ponder around. Facts we get are from the promoters who try to sell student visas or work visas. We never get the real picture. One of my friend got an answer from the agent ” Toronto and Vancouver, you can easily go in a bus to and fro. Only few hours. You can visit your friend every weekend” Glad that he checked with me. Otherwise he would have gone to Toronto believing that he could visit me weekly. This is two decades ago. My advise is simple, If you have enough to live happily, stay in your country. Your mother land will give you more and your mental health will be always better. There is nothing really out there to achieve. We will realize once you reach a life stage. People are just running for money and fame. They are not enjoying their life. They are just puppets. They worry about their past. They have concerns about their future. But no one really live. They never see what is happening around them. I was not told by any one these points to consider. Now I am telling you, younger generation to consider. Weigh in, before you leap. Always we believe other side of the planet is greener. Fact is. NOT.

Dream on guys. At the end, I want to say this much only. Do not just leap, think twice, thrice. Parents are the most important people, the ones who took care of you. When in need, you should be there for you. I am not writing this because of this pandemic situation. In general this is something everyone should consider.If you can work hard and are dedicated to your career, you will make it regardless where you are. If you want to make quick buck with out hard work, Any country you chose, regardless, you will fail. Simple message friends. Simple. Nothing can replace you being there for your parents when in need. They will not ask. You need to realize that. You should do it.

Diverting thoughts…

I cannot stress this enough guys,

During this hard times and not been able to go to work. Every one reacts and cope differently. Mental health is very important for us. To keep us healthy we need to channel our thoughts to a positive nature. Lot of people who are extroverts will find it extremely hard to stay at home. All these free time, they do not know how to utilize it.

This could be the time one can actually try something out, which you may have been wanting to do for a long time. Don’t get me wrong here. I am not talking about something you need to go out and be in public. You want to do that project at home. But no time. Now is the time isn’t it. You may have been thinking to re arrange that garage. This is the time guys. This is it. Do it. Do not sit in your room and kill your time or watch shows after show. Down the road you will get depressed.

Mental health or issues can be a silent killer. No one should go through that because of this pandemic situation. I said, find that project. I did. The pictures I am going to post in this blog are taken by me. Well, I did not travel any where. These are from my own yard. I always wanted to take cool pictures. Let me tell you guys. The time I spend taking these picture and the outcome, has taken over my thoughts to a positive nature. I did not worry at that time. So if you all can find that something which can take your mind off. I promise we will have a healthy pandemic time period. I pray, those who are struggling can divert their thoughts and be healthy. I am sharing my thoughts here to help other. And my pictures.

I also writes once a while. This does help me as well. People say it is easy to say, but it is hard to understand actual mental health problem. I admit. It is not easy for an outsider to understand the pain they go through. But we can definitely help them by suggesting solutions. May work for some. If I can be a help for one person I will consider myself blessed. So please if you like this share to someone you love. May be they could share this to someone they know. May be, not photography or writing. They may surprise us with a video or some form or art they love. They may find that energy, that spark who knows what. But at the end of the day, they are not de motivated or depressed. Doesn’t that sound healthy. Lets work together. Share this and help others. I am doing my part and encouraging those who read to share this to support a healthy society.

Giving Birth does not make someone mother

Last few days I am haunted by the news from Kerala. I am not myself. I cannot concentrate a bit. Every time I think about it, I am disappointed. I don’t know why human being these days are acting like animals. Even, I don’t know animals will behave the way some people do these days. I am ashamed to say, I hail from Kerala. I admit, we proudly once called this state “GODS OWN COUNTRY”. Hundred percentage literacy state, but no use.

If you are wondering, what I am talking about, I will say a bit about this. I cannot even write this incident with out tearing up. I am sorry, those who read this may go through what I am going through. REAL agony and anger. But, as a citizen, I should try and give out this message. If I can change one person and if they stop from doing such an act, I am blessed as a person.

I will write incident in a few sentences here, Just to let the readers know. My intention is to not focus on the incident, but to encourage society not to follow the suit. Last week, one lady who is in her mid twenties with some marital problems. She also had extra marital affair. She decides to kill her baby by thrashing him on to the seawall rocks. She threw him twice to make sure he died, because she heard him cry after first attempt. She dis this to blame her husband and go with her lover.

I am sure, when a baby is born, their one and only person he or she trust is their mom. How much pain, that baby must have gone through? While going through that pain, who that baby must have looked for or cried out for? Definitely mom. How can a person especially mother could do that? She even brought her husband who was not living with her for the past many months to her house that very night, so she can portray this on him. Devilish act isn’t it?

That is why, I am saying. Giving birth don’t give the rights for one to become mother. That nourishing touch, that unconditional love should be there. A mother will give her life for her children. Fight for their rights. I have seen mothers fighting against their husbands to protect their kids. I have seen mothers giving food to their kids and stay hungry. I have seen mothers selling themselves, so they can give better life for their kids. But taking life, so she can go with her lover, cannot even think of. I saw her parents crying for this baby. They even saying, “why don’t you leave him for them and leave the house?”

I am devastated now and that boys face is still in my eyes. I want to say here, Please people, show some mercy. If you don’t want your kids, please give them to those who want them. Don’t torture them. Don’t kill them. Look at their innocent face. Before you take that leap, look at their smile.

This is not the world I want my kids to grow up. I will make sure, they know how to treat others, respect others. Children are the future of this world. Love them. They have no hatred in their hearts. Let them live- The most purest form of life. Babies.

I pray for you baby. Hope god is playing with you now up in the heavens. RIP.

Why people change?

We evolve just like nature evolve. Scars always happen, but we heal

We always hear people saying, he changed or she changed. He was not like that before or she was. Why is that? Does any one think about it? It is inevitable for anyone to stay in the state of inertia. We evolve. we change daily. If we really analyze closely, we can realize, we also changed. We are not the same as few years ago. Only problem is we just ignore ourselves.

Same happens at work as well. We hire some one who has all the skill sets checked. He or she is so Gung-ho at the beginning. Then the performance starts to struggle. Why? Rather than just saying, he changed or she did. Dig deep, what changed in the organization. Why he or she is not performing?

Lot of times experts says, communication is what breaks them. I tend to agree with this a lot. At the beginning, whether it is a job or in any other scenario, people listen to the new guy more. Slowly it changes. No more listening to the guy anymore. This causes frustrations and in most cases, they will become status quo. They will perform, but you will not see the same fire in them anymore. They stop talking. They will stop bringing in new ideas.

Not everyone gets motivated by money. Personally, I never get motivated by money. I get motivated when there is support. Achieve results together. Performing great sometimes leads to getting additional responsibilities. Not everyone seeks that. They want the job done well. As a manager, one need to understand that.

In short, nature, universe all change. Trees change their appearances. Same, people change. Depending mood, depending what circumstances they go through. Their mental status. Mental health. These all factors are there. But outsiders don’t see that.

Mental Health month, I want to emphasize, please don’t judge people. Try to help every one at work, house, society etc. Show empathy with them. We do not know what they are going through until unless we are in their shoes. Please understand that. Every one born in this world deserves a little love. Stop saying “He or She changed, Don’t know what is wrong with him or her”

Change yourself. Help others. Love others. Read more about mental health. Your loved one may be going through difficult times. Take first aid on mental health. I highly recommend it. I have done it. I am a better person after that. Thank you all for reading. Share. Support as always.